R.I.P Crazy 3/12/07-9/6/11

I have always wanted a Pug dog all my life. I finally gave in and got one back in 07. Named her Crazy :) She was the best thing that happened to my family and I.

Sunday morning (9/4/2011) we noticed that her dog food was all over the floor, she never dumped her dog food before. We really did not think to much of it, until later that day. My boyfriend and his friend noticed her running around our pool like she way laying on it and running. Ben called for her and she did not come to him, so he went over there. He found her seizing. OMG what do we do now, she never ever had one before. I called her vet immediately and he told us if she has one again to call. Well about 9:30 that night she did, we called the vet back and rushed her in, he gave her 4 shots and meds to come home on. The same night she had like 6-7 seizures, 1:30am I called her vet again told him what was going on and he told us to give her 2 more pills, we did just that and she had one more big seizure before going to bed that night.

Monday morning she seemed to be in better shape running around the house like a little puppy smelling everything. She even ate and drank a lot of water. She never did go to the bathroom though. She looked like she was getting real tired after about a half hour so I put her back in a little padded area we made her and thats where she stayed all day, she never once got up. I thought she was just really tired from the day and night before.

I talked the vet and told him what was going on told him I think she may be in a coma. He said Tuesday I want you to call and bring her back in. Tuesday came and we took he back and well there was nothing more we could do for her, I did not like seeing her suffer any longer. She kept having little seizures at the vet I mean at-least 10-15. So I did the best thing for her, I put her to sleep. That was by far the hardest thing I have EVER in my life had to do. I feel like I lost one of my kids.

From the very start of her seizing I did a Google search "Why is my Pug having Seizures" the first thing that came up was PDE (Pug Dog Encephalitis) So when we had to rush her in Sunday night that was basically her diagnosis considering all her symptoms, she had every single one for the PDE. What we read from Sunday until Monday night we knew, there was nothing we could have done for her. There is NO cure for PDE and it is always fatal. We read that most dogs die with in a couple weeks to a couple months after getting the symptoms. I wish there would have been more that I could have done for my Crazy, but there was nothing more. I gave it my all, I tried my best. In the end it was not enough.




PDE took my best friend from me on 9/6/2011 R.I.P Crazy momma loves and misses you so much, your in a better place now where there will be no more pain no more suffering for you! I hope you know I tried my best to save you and I only did what I thought was right, I did not want you to suffer no more. I love you!

Animal Control

I moved into my home about 5 years ago and from the very first day we had a litter of kittens laying under a dumpster that was here from a roof job. I caught all the kittens tamed them and re homed them, I was so happy that I found them new homes. From there is just got worse.

We have a trailer park behind our home and this is where we are getting all the strays from =\ I have called that trailer park and complained about the cats and nothing. It sickens me that no one will do anything about these kitties running wild. There are so many around here I kid you not I took a picture from my front porch and in that picture there was 6 yes 6 cats from my front porch across the street to my neighbors house. I have called animal control in my area so many times for them to help with this situation and all they could say was there is nothing they can do about it. One person even told my boyfriend that he could euthanize them himself, yep you heard me right they said he could kill them himself.

So yea we have been taking care of all these cats as best as we can. Yea I don't want these cats around because they are probably full of diseases and stuff, I do not allow my kids to touch them for that reason. I hate to feed them because I really do not want them around the kids but I feel so bad for them. My family and I have grown attached to a couple of the cats and its so sad to see them the way they are. With in the past year we have buried 3 cats in our backyard :( 2 of them just in this month. One was one that got hit by a car, the other was a baby kitten that we have no idea what happened(maybe worms) then just today a cat that I named Ash, she was pregnant and we found her under my van dead :( I do believe she was still pregnant.

I wish that the animal control around here would do their job so my family and I do not have to suffer seeing these cats in the condition they are in. It is literately breaking me caring for these cats and then to find them dead just makes us feel like we failed. I wonder what the animal controls job actually is if they refuse to catch and re-home or humanly euthanize these cats for real.. What is your opinion on the job of animal control?? Am I wrong to think that it IS their job to come catch them and do what they have to do?? They say they only come out for dogs, for real? Oh my god what about these poor little kitties??

Ok sorry just had to get that off my chest, I am so sad right now for losing my Ash kitty and her kittens :(

Thank You

I wanted to take this time to give a huge THANK YOU to all the blogger's I have won from and all the ones that I have not. I know a lot of work goes into hosting the giveaways and I appreciate being able to get the chance to win. Another huge THANK YOU to the sponsors as well! I really to do appreciate everything single thing that I win and I know my kids will as well, when they open most at Christmas time :) So again THANK YOU to everyone who helps make my kids day, my day and all the holidays easier, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Life

My kids are my world, and for real I can really say with out them I have no idea where I would be today. It has been hurting me knowing that I am not with any of their dads, because I didn't have my dad in my life while growing up and I just wonder if things would have been different. I always look at it like this, I have 2 kids with one person and when I was with hm things just went down hill after we married. I didn't feel happy or loved and I didn't know how to make my kids happy if I couldn't be happy with myself, so I left.

Now with my youngest that is a different story... along one. I was with my youngest child's dad for a year, not long but it felt like it. I fell head over heals for him. He did nothing but treat my like crap and I still loved him with all my heart. He had a lot on his plate such as a baby momma that would not leave us alone. She liked to start drama and make things difficult. Got to the point where she would make him do things just so he could get his kids. So I went a whole year with him cheating on me, yea I was hurt so I did the same thing once because I did later find out that he was doing this because she told me I didn't want to believe it but it all made sense to why it would take along time to get his kids. Well after all was said and done we split up for a little bit. When we got back together things seemed better than ever. We even talked about having a baby. Well I got pregnant and I was SO happy, I ran and told him that the test came back that I was. He wasn't happy at all in fact he told me to get an abortion. WHAT, I couldn't believe he was say such a thing. But yea I went to the clinic a couple times to see about getting it done, every time I went something happened, like my truck wouldn't work or they didn't accept the payment that I was gonna provide. So I took that as a sign, that I couldn't do this. I never wanted to this but I loved him and I thought that was the only way to keep him. He told me that If I didn't get the abortion that he would cause me to have a miscarriage, I led him to believe that I was going to get it. When I finally came out and told him that I was not going to go threw with it that I couldn't live with myself if I did. He left, he left me when I was 2 months prego and went back to his ex girlfriend which was his baby momma!

After he left I was crushed, I would call her (his baby momma) and she would always tell me she had no idea where he was. But she knew, he was with her. I believe that was there way to try and get me to have a miscarriage. So I stopped calling them and I went on with my life, not in a good way. I was hurt, torn apart so I turned to the only thing I thought would make me feel better....(not drugs) I did this for a month. Then I meant someone, he was amazing. After being with the guy a meant for a month, he started to take on a loving feeling to my belly and it just went from there. He got me out of me feeling sorry for myself to realizing what I was doing to my baby, I cried for a good week because I knew what I did was wrong but I didn't know any other way. Threw out my pregnancy I was so worried that I did something to my unborn child. Thanks god everything was ok and she was healthy when she was born.

My new baby need insurance right, well I sign her up to get some threw the state, well they wanted to know who her dad was. I had no choice but to tell them even though he once told me if I had the baby he wanted NOTHING to do with her that he had 2 kids already. So I had to track him down. I knew where he probably was so we go out there to let him know that I had the baby and to find out his address so the courts could take action on child support. I get out there to find his girlfriend and she tells me he is not there ok fine. She asked me if she could see the baby (I don't know why I let her since she told me my baby was gonna have 3 eyes and be all deformed) I told her yea, she fell in the ditch crying say "oh my god oh my god, she looks just like him" We sat for like 10 mins and we leave later to get a phone call from her. She had to leave a voice mail because I didn't have service where I was at and I listen to her voice mail and was just in shock. She said that she had talked to him (my baby's dad) and he said to just have him (my boyfriend) sign the baby birth certificate. I wish It was that easy. Well anyways the courts finally caught up to him for the child support and he wanted to have a DNA test done, ok fine whatever I know she is yours. We do that and he does find out the truth that she is his. Even after that it took a good month before he wanted to see her. I would not allow him to take my daughter out of my sight so he agreed (which I am very thankful for) to see his daughter in my home or we would go out to his place so he could see her and spend time with her. A couple years went by doing this and it was working out great.

Now that he gets her every other week, of course after them couple years so she could warm up to him and get to know the situation and stuff. My daughter got to the age to where she did want to go with her dad and that's what I waited for, I wanted her to make that choice if she wanted to go to her dads by herself with out momma being there. I wanted to wait for that because I wanted her to feel comfortable so she could have a good time instead of feeling out of place or just upset. Couple more years go by and my daughter can actually understand and she repeats things be said :( I was not happy hearing the things she was telling me. I am not the type to drill my kids on what happen at their dads, I just ask if they had a good time with their dad and was it fun and that time of things. I don't care what happen out to their dads ya know as long as my kids had fun and was happy and safe then that's all that matters to me. Well anyways getting that said, my daughter would come home and tell me certain things and I brushed it off, I am also not the type to start things, I hate drama and I wanted to avoid it. But now its to the point I cant avoid it any more.

Ok I'm not gonna say any names so I will just stick with Daddy's girlfriend.

My daughter has told me in the past that "Daddy's girlfriend told me that the daddy that lives here with us is not my dad that he is my step dad", I didn't know what to tell her she is 4 years old, so I just told her "well baby he is not really your real dad but he has been with us since you was in momma's belly and he was there when you was born, I told he is not your blood daddy but he is still your daddy". You know I feel is was NOT her place to tell MY daughter that. Then on a Sunday about a month ago she was at her dads and his girlfriend called asking if she could stay a little longer cuz her dad wanted to spend more time with her and have a cook out, I said yea no problem at all. I kept asking what time you want me there, what time. She never gave me a straight answer so I choose a time. Considering it was already 1:00pm I figure 5 o clock would have been more than enough time and she was fine with it. We I get out there I pick her and on our way home I ask "so did you guys have a good cook out did you eat a lot" She goes "no we didn't have a cook out" I was "like awe baby im sorry well how come" she says "cuz of you, cuz you wouldn't let me" You know I had no idea what to say she was so angry with me. I just told her " awe baby girl no it is not because of me, I told daddy when I was gonna be here, I am so sorry you didn't get to have a cook out" She was mad at me all the way home. Another thing she told me was just yesterday she goes "daddy's girlfriend said your lazy" I had to ask her again because I didn't believe what she had just told me then she tried to make me think no it was me momma I said I tried tell her baby you don't have to lie to momma its ok. I sat her down and I tried explaining to her that what her Daddy's girlfriend has been saying is not ok and it hurts people feelings I told momma don't say anything bad about them, i said there is nothing to say bad and I just kinda left it at that because I know she don't understand. I went outside and just started crying.

I don't say anything bad about my daughters dad or his girlfriend and kids to her, its not my place to judge them and especially say things bad to my daughter about them. His whole family can not stand this women they say she brain washes him and this and that. One time she called me and we was talking about something and she goes "Samara told me that you told her that she cant love me" I was Like "WHAT umm no I no she didn't say that" "what are you calling me a liar" "ummm yea because I no my daughter did not tell you that why because I have NEVER said that, its only gonna hurt and confuse her so no I never said that and yes you are a liar" she was not to happy with me after that. I just don't no what to do about the whole thing, I am at a loss right now. I don't want to keep my daughter away from her dad but I also do not want her getting brain washed about bad things about me or anything else for that matter.


Yea I'm not good at writing so its kinda all over the place lol :) there is way more to this story just said the basics, and whats been bothering me!! Thanks.

Been awhile

It really has been along time since I have blogged!

With all of the holidays right around the corner my mind has been racing none stop. I have been getting more and more depressed as the days go by. I really hate this time of year. I never really no if I am going to be able to afford the things my kids want for Christmas. Both of my older kids have been asking for the past 2 Christmas that they want laptops, well this year I am going to try and give in, considering now that I have a laptop and they both get on it and they respect it so much so. I feel now would be a good time to do this for them. So I called around to the family and informed them that I was gonna try and get them both laptops and asked if they would like to help out a bit for it. And of course I did get a couple of "yes, we would love to help out" so I am very greatfull for that! I have not really decided on what to get for my youngest yet, she really loves the make believe kind of stuff and she already has the dora house so maybe I will get her stuff to with that or something?!?!?!?

Fishing

Yesterday we went fishing and it was fun and exciting! When we first got out there I got a bite and, I started reeling it in and at first it seemed to be little, yea right it fooled me and was just following my line in once I got it up to our blow up boat that we was in it started to go underneath it and then thats when I realized it was big because it about took my pole under with it but yea then the unexpected happened... my line broke!! I was like DANG IT!! I was so scard and mad lol. I was shaking because at the time I had my feet resting on the side of the boat when the fish went underneath of it heh! A little bit after that I had that fish on my line I got another bite so I started to reel that in and right off the bat I knew I had something big so I handed it to Ben to reel in for me. As he was reeling it in he just thought I snagged a log lol. He fought with that log for a good 3-4 minute before we could see what it was. It was a HUGE soft shell turtle when I seen the claws on that thing I was like oooooooh my gosh, "we have to cut that line" because mind you we was in a blow up boat lol. I was scard we was gonna start going down. So ben cut the line and the turtle swam away! Good thing we only use small thin hooks because the hook will rust and fall off, so it didn't hurt the turtle at all. Over all I had a blast, I think we are gonna go ride my 4-wheelers today! Have a good one everyone!!!

Hot Out Today

Oh my gosh it was so hot outside today. I did not feel like doing nothing, but of course I had no choice in the matter. I didn't do much but even the little things count right :)

I was waiting for the storms to come in but yea it did what it did all summer long just totally miss us :( I am scared to death of storms but I really want a good one before summer ends.

My kids decided to have a sleep over so I have a house full right now so I am gonna call it a might. Have a good one, sweet dreams and don't let the bed bugs bite!!!